Lawyer is working on deferred adjudication. An idea I had to instruct that he offer the prosecutor that I also take the resisting arrest charge. I told him that one would make me proud. No drugs is all I want, working for THE FEDS, and all.
Is this bear hopeful 'cause he's approaching that chic?

Current Mood: hopeful

Possession Charge
Problem:
The lawyer I paid $2000.00 doesn't seem to want to work on this. Months ago, when I hired him, he said I'd probably get off. Now he says $750, 1yr unsupervised probation, and I have toadmit to a drug charge. But I wasn't high, wasn't drinking, was refused a breathilizer and a urinalysis, and both of those were given to a passenger in my car. Funny thing: I would have passed both of those tests. I was actually trying to help a young frined get out of trouble...

Current Mood: scared

Should I take the drug charge, or fight it in court and risk losing-
and jail? The charge might make it hard to get gov jobs.

Current Mood: stressed

I spoke with your yearling. She is clear, and so am I, that there will be no visit until October or later. I had already understood that, but gave her a different impression.
So,I was thinking winter would be neat, so she could maybe snowboard w me, if she wants. I am so sorry. I see now what I did wrong. I respect you as a mother, and adore you as a person. I never want to offend you that way again.
I love you.

Current Mood: embarrassed

Here's a silly one from my trip to Montana...



Yes, that's the Batmobile.

Checked out Hectic Engine. I'm starting to get a feel for the diffucult task of doing something with creativity. Good job PJ. But, Mames, I swear you are getting sexier and more attractive with age!!! How is this happening? SHARE YOUR SECRETS or I will call you repeatedly throughout the day and pretend to leave messages on your unavailable voicemail, relentlessly...

First of all, I used to tell other kids I had an alligator in my back yard, and take pics of my barbie dolls on their furniture and tell my pen pals they were my family. I did this way beyond the fibbing age. Secondly, I often wake up in the morning and think...HOW MUCH LONGER do I have to DO THIS? -I mean life. The problem, I think, is what I'm DOING...life. I wonder, is it the goals that I set that make it so dissappointing? Are my expectations unrelative? Is it the actions my day is filled with, that don't fulfill me? Is it the lack of all the things I wish I was doing that depresses me?

I do know that there ARE feelings I want to be feeling that I AM NOT. This seems key. The feelings are not near, and I don't know what changes will help me get them. I am willing to change, but I'm getting tired of flippantly trying new things. I want more assurance of possible outcomes. I want happiness more than success. I want fun more than stability. I want comfort more than security. I want satisfaction, love, awareness, confidence and humor.
I wonder if I am headed for starvation?

Current Mood: uncomfortable

Honestly, I'm becoming more concerned about how this will work out. The legal fees are kicking my butt, and Money is dwindling. Lilarosa, I used you as a reference for Waterloo -hope that's OK. PJoseph, I won't know enough until my court date, April 23.
I envy all you lovely ones in Austinville!

Current Mood: annoyed

Puts me in a good mood everytime! I probably need to find a creative life, again. I hate this science life...

As I look out from me I am shocked that the people around don't see me.
I haven't been showing them. They see something else.

Too busy trying to impress, trying to undress them in search of what's unsafe to me,
I have forgotten to say my true name.
Protecting my inner essence from view, instead analyzing you, I left at home all my proof that I exist.

Watch my body as she dances on the floor, listen as I assert my boundaries, ponder my beauty if you find it exciting.
I still will not show you what you'd see...If only you could see me.

I curse her for not sharing my self, but she ignores me.
I beg her -let me out to play, but she cages me.
I explain I have a need to be understood...she laughs at me.
There is no one who could remember compassion enough to view the likes of thee...
without burning their eyes, she teases.

The longer I wait, while she protects and trains for impending war,
The more I stay, behind, wilting and fading, toxins in my pores
cramp up any flow I have lingering in my secret hopes
for love, for friends, for begin again...and let go of this fearsome judgment
I harbor and brew
of humankind and the expectation of living my life.

Current Mood: disappointed

Poll #946860
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 4

Excessive Shoppers in the US are:

Homeless wonderers in 3rd world countries are:

Public land is:

Food is:

You are:

OK. Please tell me how to attach a youtube to my post. I have some I'd like to share.

And Bluemamie...the rivers keep changing directions, perhaps it matches the way I feel. But it is the only way I know how to feel, change. I find it close to the root of my loneliness. Thank you for your sweet love.



Guess what? My crazy south american ex is visiting my friend in Billings. Now I really don't wanna go there for three months...How to handle this one...several punches to the face?

Current Mood: aggravated

VISIT. I really want to. I miss her like nothing in the world. I keep trying to figure it out...There IS this wetlands training course in Austin during May...Its about 4 days. Maybe I could do that. It will cost me 900$, so I'd be broke while in Austin.
Respond.

Why is my name not Davis? I feel sideways, like my beautiful sister walking a way- sideways. $360.00, I guess, is the answer. But is it? Why all these empty shampoo bottles, as N mentions? Oh, the irony of how I feel held back! How many times is the impression I give one of unavailability? Have any descent men passed me by, respondently? Why continue to fall in love with unavailable men, when I have so much to offer? I feel like I have walked away from myself sideways. And all because the one I married broke my heart...

Current Mood: lonely

Friday, 3/9/07
Blue Rhythmic Eagle:
Organize in order to Create, Vision.
Bring all issues that arise today into an organized view of centeredness.
Create hope and commitment required to manifest your ideas. Realize how your thoughts affect those around you. Be Love , in your dreams and visions.

Current Mood: curious

I feel almost crazy when I think of a possible man for me. I can't imagine that there is one. Those that I chose tend to eventually say they are intimidated by me, somehow. The last one says I am perfect for him, that we connect so well, that I'm the only one he can really talk to, and that he truly loves me. He makes love to me like a man who has his dream woman, and is as gentle as a falling leaf to me. So how can I find all that with less alcohol and more self motivation? Age, of course. If he had not listened to his parents, we'd be living together. He'd also be going to those AA meetings, he told me about.

But would that be good enough for me, anyway, I ask myself- now that it's no longer an option. Why do I imagine that men over 30 have all given up on life? I have this idea that they don't care about fun, growth, travel, outdoors, music... How silly. If I think age is an imaginary barrier, then why not apply it to all ages? I wish for all I had and add to that a desire from him- whoever that may be- to keep me and give it to ME. I want the adventure, too. Snowboarding, snowmobiling, hiking...or what ever fills that gap. I crave it, and I crave sharing it with a man who knows me and respects me. I want to make love to a man who wants me to stay.



Is it in Argentina?

Current Mood: hopeful